This afternoon I read a blog post that Tim Ferriss had just put out, titled “11 Reasons Not To Become Famous”. The direct relevance of the content to me is small; nonetheless it was a sobering read that’s impacted my thoughts and state of mind significantly, unlike most of the time-sucking drivel I mindlessly consume as a helpless patron of the internet.
The past few months haven’t gone as I’d hoped. Where I’d intended to be spending the summer training regularly at Melbourne Park, having my fitness levels skyrocket and feeling like the next phase had properly begun, reality has instead felt entirely too familiar.
..........Not long after ramping things up, my body again started saying “no thanks” – this time I’d discover iron depletion without anemia on a blood panel. A tricky condition to self-diagnose, but very consistent with my medical history and something I wish I’d been more on top of... if I’d taken my own advice and gotten more frequent testing, I would have been. Anyway, to cut a long story short – also got very sick while in Sydney for poker, as my body couldn’t cope with the heavily polluted air from the tragic bushfires that have devastated this country. And too much energy since has been exhausted trying to rebound from a bad year of financial variance.
It’s been too easy to start feeling low of late, whether from personal circumstances, the shocking reality of what’s happened to my country, or most recently the unconscionable crash involving Kobe & Gigi and other families. Fortunately, I feel like I’m back in great shape ready to charge ahead again, perhaps with a slightly altered perspective.
In creating this website and the ideas I had for it, I was always going to be pushing against my baser instincts. I’d always figured people would only know I was chasing this dream when they saw my name pop up on a results page, but it’s a project that seemed worth taking on for previously mentioned reasons when I did.
..........In reality I don’t like talking about myself, even as I have in this article. It feels dumb. I reread the prose and think, “Seriously, dude?”. The home page makes me sheepish, and I don’t have the will to devise alterations. So... though our motivations for content creation were very different, the Tim Ferriss article nevertheless magnifies a pretty important question: “Is “it” worth it?”
..........It would be one thing if I’d gone ahead and kept putting out consistent content, and the value I felt I could offer from sharing my experiences was being realised – however, it’s pretty apparent at this point that, at least operating solo, it’s unlikely I’ll find the desire to make content creation a priority while my mental resources are being challenged by the journey itself. Were I to continue (and become “successful”), it’s unlikely I’d run into most of Tim’s consequences, although it’s true that it would take a far smaller audience to engender trouble for any mention of some controversial health topics that are relevant to my story.
I’m glad I went for it – you never know how things will go if you don’t try; there were certainly paths to different outcomes. I’ve gotten some benefits and learned lessons going through the process as well. It’s not coming down straight away, but in all likelihood the site will end up dissolving. I suspect this is the year I’ll divorce with Twitter as well – I’ve not much time to get in full alignment with myself, and that’s going to mandate a better effort at combatting the once discussed screen addiction I’m still afflicted with. That’s not to say everyone should do the same, that’s just what I think’s best for me, short and long term. #OldSchoolLivin'
I have to say, knowing myself, I was certainly aware that there was a strong chance of this conclusion being reached – one thing that consistently amazes me is how so many people I follow seem to be able to keep churning out content, almost uninterrupted, for what seems like forever. Mad props to those peeps... I’ll definitely be interrogating the ones I can to see if they’ve got any wisdom to share with me!
For clarification: Tennis is still happening and I’m going to fuck shit up. Big year. Big WSOP again. I’m ready. Hope you are too. Be well!